Even while I was writing my most recent post, I sort of expected to wake up the following morning and feel a little foolish for being so overdramatic. I thought I was in a mood, and that as soon as the mood passed I would wish I hadn't been so transparent with the feelings of the moment. I considered them frivolous.
Well, they were frivolous in their way, but turned out to not be as transient as I had expected. It took me most of a week to get out of the funk I expressed in that post and get on with doing what I need to do. I have, however, seemingly accomplished this last. At least, I am once again able to wake up each morning without the passionate desire to fake sick just so I won't have to face my responsibilities.
I'm a lot less depressed and a lot more encouraged for the past few days. A lot has contributed to this: I'm prioritizing better, interacting better with more people, and getting more sleep. Oddly, another that helped me get it together a bit was the realization that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I certainly wouldn't wish that kind of despondency on anybody, but I had this nagging suspicion that it was some inherent flaw in myself that was causing me to feel the way I did. Maybe it still is, but at least I share it with at least one other teacher, one of the educated and somewhat experienced kind I so envy.
Donnie and I have decided we're willing to pay for hi-speed internet at home. It should be installed tomorrow. What this might mean to you is more pictures. What it means to me is a lot less constraint in the time I spend online, which is a huge morale booster for me (thanks in large part to a lot of you).
I'm in a little bit of a frustrating money situation, which needs to be worked out with the folks who process the money some of you are sending. I won't go into details here, but my initial reaction was a lot of anger and disgust, unproductive feelings that I need to get over before I try to deal with the situation. Please play for wisdom as I do this, and that it will be resolved satisfactorily. Please also continue to pray for more staff for Whitman. Still needed are PE teachers, and any warm bodies to monitor study halls and/or proctor exams. This would help a great deal with the abovementioned teacher stress, to say nothing of my own, for which please continue praying as well.
Praises are great roommates and coworkers, good food, good cultural experiences, and my still-unshaken conviction that I'm where God wants me. This last, especially, has gotten me through a lot.
2 comments:
Silas,
I have had you on my heart so much over the last several days and am so happy to hear that your spirits are up. I am thrilled to see you come through seeing the positive and the things you can be thankful for. Workers have been short in the harvest ever since Bible times. It probably will continue to be that way. We will keep praying. We were commenting recently how thankful we are for a son like you. Steady, giving, sound mind and body, etc. Your book review was awesome. Keep up the good work, the rewards are out of this world. Love you, Mom
Wow. God is really stretching you. I know the process is kind of painful, but the end result is so refreshing and motivating. Funny how God knows exactly what freaks us out or hurts and he gets us over them, one trial at a time. I was really struggling with the ministry God had placed me in too, feeling overwhelmed and insufficient, but He knows what we can handle and He walks us through it. When are you coming back again?
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